I'm a big dreamer. I live in a world of fantasies. I'm full of big ideas and not much more. I need my dreams though. for if I shut my eyes and saw myself growing old in this flat I would seriously consider ending my life. I dream of a house, not a big house, but a house I can build with my own hands, maybe with some help of friends and family (if I had any) Okay, that was uncalled for, I know I have lots of friends, and you all know who you are but if I had the money and resources (which, I don't right now, but hey maybe someday I am only 25) would you help me build a house?
I dream of a Garden, a beautiful colourful garden with lots of birds and creatures, maybe a garden I can grow my own food in too, I dream big like that. I dream of planting it with my children, maybe even my grandchildren, because lets face it my kids are half way grown and I'm nowhere near realizing my dreams.
It's craziness because I know all of this is unlikely to ever happen. As it is I can't even grow a cress head on my windowsill or hang a curtain rail. It would be a great place to start, absolutely and if I fail I try again and again until I am sucessful. Ah you see I'm full of ambition like that but the reality is I'm not going to hang that curtain rail and I'm not going to grow that cress head. why? maybe I'm lazy.. maybe I'm afraid.. I don't really know for sure but I'll still dream about it. I'll dream of the things I could do if only I tried and I'll probably never get around to it and I'll never know why for sure. and of course, these are things the children will need to be able to do eventually as well, but if their own mother and father don't do it, where will they learn it? for god sake give me a hammer! I need to figure this out for the childrens sake! Now, If I can manage that sucessfully (we will see) I know I can get around to building that house.. right? wrong. my husband is not very enthusiastic about it. Oh, he's all for the idea of having our own house built, if we had the money and resourses, as long as we don't have to design it or lift a finger, now what's the fun in that? sure we'll have a beautiful sturdy house to live in but it won't mean much more than a roof over my head if I don't make myself a part of it!
I am a dreamer. I try to dream realistically but Dreams aren't meant to be realistic are they? Just please, Don't stop me dreaming.
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Friday, 18 February 2011
quarter of a century
Well, That is me quarter of a century now. Yesterday was definitely a birthday to remember, unlike my 18th or 21st, which I can't really remember, okay I remember having a pig cake on my 21st and I was pregnant with Donald on my 18th but that's all.
Yesterday I wore 2 badges, 1 that read 'It's My Birthday' because it's important to me that the world know it's my birthday, and 1 that read '25, quarter of a century' because alot of people Don't believe I'm that young, in fact if it weren't for my birth certificate saying february 17th 1986 I would probably believe my mother skipped a few of my birthdays.
I dressed up in the new red dress and shoes my husband bought me and I wore JML slimming pants underneath because when I wear a dress I look pregnant. they were quite uncomfortable but worth it because I looked nicer, not that pregnant's a bad look for me, I just didn't want people stopping me to ask how far along I am and having to explain that I'm not!
First we went to my grans house, and shared some cake with my gran and granda, William cut such thick slices though that I was feeling quite full and regretted eating cake before lunch.
It was a long journey to braehead because my husband had his battery changed and forgot to get the code for the radio before we left the house, I bought an album from the t-mobile jukebox for my phone but I couldn't download the songs right away so it was no use.
When we finally got to Braehead we went to elc first to pick up a dinosaur CD for donalds birthday party because the one we had somehow got scratched and kept skipping. while there we noticed Happy Land toys were on sale, so bought some things for Joy's birthday.
Then, we went to TGIF, the kids got their goodybag and balloon which kept them quiet for most of the time. William got a free milkshake and I got a free smoothie thanks to a voucher I got from their website when I signed up to the birthday club. I ordered a 3 course meal for £13 mozzarella sticks for starter, chicken tenders for main, and brownie for dessert. William just had wicked chicken which also cost £13! I tried to get them to help me with my starter because it was quite a big portion but they didn't help much at all. I struggled with my main, and gave most of my chips to Teo. I kept checking the time, worried that we were going to miss Yogi Bear. we decided to get Desert in a doggy bag to take away so we wouldnt miss the film but it was still taking too long. as we fretted and kept looking at the clock, waiting for desert and the cheque the waiter came back with a chocolate fuge cake with a candle in it and asked me to stand. he asked my name and how old I was and then asked the whole restraunt for his attention and announced my birthday and with the help of some other waiters sang me a Birthday song! I was absolutely delighted! I had never had so much attention on any birthday ever, I absolutely loved it, It just made my day! I blew out the candle and they put the cake in a doggy bag along with the brownie I had ordered (if I knew i was going to get free cake I probably would have just went for the 2 course meal for £10)
At the cinema we asked for tickets to see yogi bear and they said which showing? we said now and they asked 3d? we said no. they said that the 2d started at 2:45 and relief washed over us, we were so sure the film was meant to start at 2:10 and so worried about being too late, and we were early. we sat down and opened the cake box. I made them help me because after everything I had already eaten there was no way I could eat a cake and a brownie! there was no need to order any snacks for the movie, we were all much too stuffed!
The film was absolutely brilliant, lots of laughs. at first Teo and Joy kept running around and I could see william was getting very upset. Eventually I managed to grab him and I fed him and he went to sleep, once he was settled, Joy settled down and we could all enjoy the film in peace.
afterwards, we went to the toilet before the long journey home when I realized I had been bleeding. I'm not sure if the slimming pants brought it on or if it was going to happen anyway but I didn't let it ruin my day because lets face it, it's all a part of nature and it's going to happen on alot of womens birthdays. It brought back memories of when Joy stopped breastfeeding and I started bleeding, I remember it didn't stop until I became pregnant with Teo. I just hope it's not going to be like that again.
Later that night we took Donald to anchor boys, we didn't have dinner first because we were all still too full. After Anchor boys we made tuna pasta for dinner and had more cake and icecream. Feeling incredibly full, sleep brought us all relief.
Yesterday I wore 2 badges, 1 that read 'It's My Birthday' because it's important to me that the world know it's my birthday, and 1 that read '25, quarter of a century' because alot of people Don't believe I'm that young, in fact if it weren't for my birth certificate saying february 17th 1986 I would probably believe my mother skipped a few of my birthdays.
I dressed up in the new red dress and shoes my husband bought me and I wore JML slimming pants underneath because when I wear a dress I look pregnant. they were quite uncomfortable but worth it because I looked nicer, not that pregnant's a bad look for me, I just didn't want people stopping me to ask how far along I am and having to explain that I'm not!
First we went to my grans house, and shared some cake with my gran and granda, William cut such thick slices though that I was feeling quite full and regretted eating cake before lunch.
It was a long journey to braehead because my husband had his battery changed and forgot to get the code for the radio before we left the house, I bought an album from the t-mobile jukebox for my phone but I couldn't download the songs right away so it was no use.
When we finally got to Braehead we went to elc first to pick up a dinosaur CD for donalds birthday party because the one we had somehow got scratched and kept skipping. while there we noticed Happy Land toys were on sale, so bought some things for Joy's birthday.
Then, we went to TGIF, the kids got their goodybag and balloon which kept them quiet for most of the time. William got a free milkshake and I got a free smoothie thanks to a voucher I got from their website when I signed up to the birthday club. I ordered a 3 course meal for £13 mozzarella sticks for starter, chicken tenders for main, and brownie for dessert. William just had wicked chicken which also cost £13! I tried to get them to help me with my starter because it was quite a big portion but they didn't help much at all. I struggled with my main, and gave most of my chips to Teo. I kept checking the time, worried that we were going to miss Yogi Bear. we decided to get Desert in a doggy bag to take away so we wouldnt miss the film but it was still taking too long. as we fretted and kept looking at the clock, waiting for desert and the cheque the waiter came back with a chocolate fuge cake with a candle in it and asked me to stand. he asked my name and how old I was and then asked the whole restraunt for his attention and announced my birthday and with the help of some other waiters sang me a Birthday song! I was absolutely delighted! I had never had so much attention on any birthday ever, I absolutely loved it, It just made my day! I blew out the candle and they put the cake in a doggy bag along with the brownie I had ordered (if I knew i was going to get free cake I probably would have just went for the 2 course meal for £10)
At the cinema we asked for tickets to see yogi bear and they said which showing? we said now and they asked 3d? we said no. they said that the 2d started at 2:45 and relief washed over us, we were so sure the film was meant to start at 2:10 and so worried about being too late, and we were early. we sat down and opened the cake box. I made them help me because after everything I had already eaten there was no way I could eat a cake and a brownie! there was no need to order any snacks for the movie, we were all much too stuffed!
The film was absolutely brilliant, lots of laughs. at first Teo and Joy kept running around and I could see william was getting very upset. Eventually I managed to grab him and I fed him and he went to sleep, once he was settled, Joy settled down and we could all enjoy the film in peace.
afterwards, we went to the toilet before the long journey home when I realized I had been bleeding. I'm not sure if the slimming pants brought it on or if it was going to happen anyway but I didn't let it ruin my day because lets face it, it's all a part of nature and it's going to happen on alot of womens birthdays. It brought back memories of when Joy stopped breastfeeding and I started bleeding, I remember it didn't stop until I became pregnant with Teo. I just hope it's not going to be like that again.
Later that night we took Donald to anchor boys, we didn't have dinner first because we were all still too full. After Anchor boys we made tuna pasta for dinner and had more cake and icecream. Feeling incredibly full, sleep brought us all relief.
Monday, 14 February 2011
No Smoking Please
Firstly, Before I begin I would like to state that I hold nothing against a particular friend of mine who does smoke and hope this blog does not offend her because she has always been considerate when she does it usually doing it away from the children and myself or making sure that the smoke is blowing in the opposite direction to us, she thoughtfully asks if it bothers me and I appreciate her consideration greatly. she is a wonderful friend and as I said I hold nothing against her.
Now, Yesterday as you may remember it was a very wet day. I got the kids in their puddle suits and put the little one in the back pack and started walking to the bus stop. I don't like the one on the corner because I am so paranoid about the bus zooming past without seeing us so I walked to the one at barrs cottage. I thought of walking all the way to church but when I reached barrs cottage and checked the time, there was only 25 minutes to get there which I felt would not be enough time to walk at the speed my children travel.
I stepped into the bus shelter and the children followed behind. No, sooner were we enjoying the dry shelter than a woman lit a cigarette. If I was more of a bold person I'd have said to her 'look here you, theres children here, have you no consideration?' unfortunately, I'm not bold so I just took the little one in the backpack out into the rain and the other 2 followed. the children were quite happy jumping in the muddy puddles while we waited for the bus, but as time passed, another woman arrived at the bus shelter and also lit up, it was a long 15 minutes waiting in the rain for the bus to arrive.
Later, after church I went to my father in laws as we do every sunday. I enjoy the social interaction, catching up with family, but when everyone starts lighting up it's either a case of sit and breathe in the poison or leave the room. It's a lonely business being a non-smoker. I find myself spending more time chatting with my 12 year old niece every week than the rest of the family. and yet, as much as I try to keep away from the smokers when they light-up by the time I get home I can smell it on my clothes, in my hair, on my skin, it makes me nauseas. It felt like an eternity getting the children to bed last night, especially since they wanted to stay up and watch 'dancing on ice'! As soon as they were in their beds, I jumped in a bath and scrubbed the smell away!
Unfortunately, this is an issue I can rant about as much as I like, It will never go away. I can't just not visit family and they aren't going to leave their own home to smoke, My very own Gran is another heavy smoker that bothers me. Even when the children climb up on her knee, she will still sit there with a cigarette in her hand. I watch as the smoke spirals around their faces, their clothes and hair and skin smells of it all day, it makes me sick, but it would be wrong to deny them visiting their great gran wouldn't it? and let's face it, nobody ever visits us because they don't want to be in a place they aren't allowed to do what they want.
and so, I reach out to you, my readers, what do I do? I am a minority in just about everything I do, and I certainly feel like a minority as a non-smoker as well. Some people feel that I am the problem and not the smokers, is that possible? do I need to 'lighten up?'
your opinions will be greatly appreciated, please comment.
Now, Yesterday as you may remember it was a very wet day. I got the kids in their puddle suits and put the little one in the back pack and started walking to the bus stop. I don't like the one on the corner because I am so paranoid about the bus zooming past without seeing us so I walked to the one at barrs cottage. I thought of walking all the way to church but when I reached barrs cottage and checked the time, there was only 25 minutes to get there which I felt would not be enough time to walk at the speed my children travel.
I stepped into the bus shelter and the children followed behind. No, sooner were we enjoying the dry shelter than a woman lit a cigarette. If I was more of a bold person I'd have said to her 'look here you, theres children here, have you no consideration?' unfortunately, I'm not bold so I just took the little one in the backpack out into the rain and the other 2 followed. the children were quite happy jumping in the muddy puddles while we waited for the bus, but as time passed, another woman arrived at the bus shelter and also lit up, it was a long 15 minutes waiting in the rain for the bus to arrive.
Later, after church I went to my father in laws as we do every sunday. I enjoy the social interaction, catching up with family, but when everyone starts lighting up it's either a case of sit and breathe in the poison or leave the room. It's a lonely business being a non-smoker. I find myself spending more time chatting with my 12 year old niece every week than the rest of the family. and yet, as much as I try to keep away from the smokers when they light-up by the time I get home I can smell it on my clothes, in my hair, on my skin, it makes me nauseas. It felt like an eternity getting the children to bed last night, especially since they wanted to stay up and watch 'dancing on ice'! As soon as they were in their beds, I jumped in a bath and scrubbed the smell away!
Unfortunately, this is an issue I can rant about as much as I like, It will never go away. I can't just not visit family and they aren't going to leave their own home to smoke, My very own Gran is another heavy smoker that bothers me. Even when the children climb up on her knee, she will still sit there with a cigarette in her hand. I watch as the smoke spirals around their faces, their clothes and hair and skin smells of it all day, it makes me sick, but it would be wrong to deny them visiting their great gran wouldn't it? and let's face it, nobody ever visits us because they don't want to be in a place they aren't allowed to do what they want.
and so, I reach out to you, my readers, what do I do? I am a minority in just about everything I do, and I certainly feel like a minority as a non-smoker as well. Some people feel that I am the problem and not the smokers, is that possible? do I need to 'lighten up?'
your opinions will be greatly appreciated, please comment.
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